wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
