UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
