i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
