There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
