I got chris browned last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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