i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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