i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
