I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
