you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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