Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
