i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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