feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
