you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
