I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
