i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
