she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
