ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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