Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
