If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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