What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
