I wannas sexs uuuuu
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
