is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
