Ambien. No doubt about it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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