Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
