He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
