so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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