I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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