I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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