On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
