If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize