note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
