Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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