i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
