You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
time to smoke my breakfast
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
