Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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