I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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