I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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