I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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