he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
