just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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