You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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