Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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