in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize