just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
