I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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