apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
