my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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