I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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