Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
