Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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