I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
