I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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