so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
