i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
time to smoke my breakfast
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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