To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
