Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
