I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
