Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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