does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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