keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
