we have officially lost it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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