She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
