The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
